Dearly Beloved,


I used to think that loving was easy.

 

I used to think that love was something fallen into with no sharp rocks at the bottom.

 

I used to think a lot of things, but I was wrong.

The death that was brought on by the white wintry snow gave way to the sun that miraculously brought life. What was once brown turned to green, what was once barren now bloomed to full beauty, and change was brightly on the horizon.

It was an already beautiful time of life but then your existence stepped in to my oblivion. I found myself amply sure of our co-existence and set out on a journey to slay the dragon and win the princess’ heart.

There was something about your soul that was so intriguing to a feeble man like myself…mystery, shrouded in more mystery. One day I would figure you out but the next day you would introduce me to yet another dazzling display of brilliant beauty.

Baffling

The journey felt long but in all reality I had only walked a mile. I was slow going, not because of a lack of motivation, but because of the obstacles in front of me. You see darling, you weren’t all that easy. Mind you, my heart, full of hopeful expectation, was far too willing to cross over the vast rivers, large barricades, and steep mountains you placed before me. I ventured out and was ready to conquer.

But we all know that I was the one conquered

Such grand motivation gave way to frustration. Frustration gave way to discouragement. When discouragement was fully grown, your heart played a vile game…it provided false hope. One day I would be renewed with strength, ready to journey through life with you but then the next day turn around, only to find that you had stayed behind. It wasn’t that you just stayed back, you hid yourself…What amazes me to this day is that you still don’t want to be found. This passionate game of hide and seek simply turned into a joke…I was a puppet dangling from strings. If that’s what it took to win your heart oh baby I would dance until the wood rotted away my soul.

To my dismay you cut my strings. To my utmost heartbreak you paved your own path and said, ‘Don’t follow.’ What else could I do but to walk away? Your heart was clear. Your motives intentional. You didn’t want my imperfect love.

Now I stand here on this road having watched you from afar for some time now. I realize that while you may have been so close these past few months, we could not have been farther away. Now you’ve completely disappeared from my sight and it makes me sad.

I know that we could never be anything more but that does not restrict me from dreaming of a day that could have been. When in the midst of my thought I am awoken by the stark reality that it is simply a dream. You’ve slipped in to the dense fog and I regret not having stuck close by.

I regret being so imperfectly impassioned.

I regret not having been able to experience the vast heaven of your love.

I regret never telling you of my love…

I pray you find well fortune on your journey and I pray you find what you’re looking for. As for me I only find the motivation to let this go…to find closure. You, dearly beloved, have provided painful closure. Of all of my regrets there is one that will infinitely reign above all of the others…

I regret never saying goodbye. 

5 Replies to “Dearly Beloved,”

  1. So beautiful Matt. Even from far away, I see the growth in you. I see you moving closer and closer to God. You are loved by so many. I thank Him for bringing you into our lives. – Nicole Lynn

    Liked by 1 person

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