Confessions

Today I spent about six hours making my way home to Atlanta and I only managed to evade death on two separate accounts. This infuriating trip sparked me into delving through my top ten reasons as to why I hate driving anywhere, anytime, and anyplace.

10.) Drivers Education

I’m just going to start off my rant by labeling the obvious. Apparently (as much as I see the need for Drivers Education) our driving courses are massively failing society as a whole…I clearly remember spending two weeks inside a classroom learning how to “drive” yet the majority of people around me act as though it’s their first time.

9.) Back Seat Drivers

There’s nothing that soothes my soul more than hearing someone’s voice from the backseat correcting me on my driving. It is to these people that I say this…A quick tap on the brakes will teach you to try and correct my driving again…

8.) Multi-Taskers

Look, I won’t lie and say I don’t talk on the phone while I’m driving; especially on long trips. The only reason I feel justified in doing so is because I have yet to cause someone to stare death in the face. For those people who think they can eat cereal, chat on the phone, and/or prepare themselves for the day while driving yet cut me off…You’re doing life wrong.  Please, find a decent drivers ed program and go there.

7.) Old People

I’m going to try and say this as respectfully as I can…Old(er) people are ridiculous to drive around. Life is moving too fast for your 25 mph limit in a 50 mph zone…I aint got time to be late for work. I love you and enjoy your sweetness but please, for the love of Lucille Ball drive faster!

6.) Traffic

Nothing makes me want to puke any more than the constant stop and go of traffic. See, I understand that traffic happens because of accidents. I can almost guarantee you though that half of all traffic incidents occur because some dingleberry saw something interesting on the side of the road and wanted to slow down to look. Like seriously…How many times have I sat in traffic only to reach the end and scream “I’ve waited this long for that?!”

5.) Lane Hogs

My word people it’s simple..The far left lane is for driving fast. The far right lane is for slower drivers. Learn it, live it, love it.

4.) Point Provers

Road rage is a crazy thing to behold. I, have experienced such a thing today (almost died at the hands of a young girl chatting on her phone) and it really leads to nothing. Yet we still feel that we need to prove a point to those who suck at driving. I mean the only way we can prove a point is by driving them off of the road which might lead to death.

3.) Tailgaters

Speaking of road rage…Nothing incites me quicker than someone who wants to ride my tail. I firmly believe that I’m respectful enough on the highway to let others pass when Im able to move out of the way. Seriously though bro, why ride my tail when Im stuck in between and behind a semi-truck?

2.) Semi-trucks

Speaking of…I know these guys do this for a living but my goodness you people stress me out. Not only do I shake while driving around you but my car does too! Death always seems closer than ever when I come up on a semi truck. And please, for the love of all that is holy, stay in the right lane!

And the number one reason I hate driving is…

1.) Blinkers

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Yepp, that pretty much sums up what I feel about you non-blinkers. I can’t say that I’ve always used my blinker; even as I was zooming around traffic today I didnt always use it. If you’re in a residential area and don’t want to risk getting nailed in the rear use your blinker! The good Lord gave you two hands and blinker switch!

What I’m (sarcastically) saying is that I’m the best driver in the world and everyone else is terrible. Don’t we all think that?

I wish we were all the best drivers in the world…Might make the highways a better place.

Cheers!