Your Words are Cheap

Sticks and stones may break my bones…

It is honestly a baffling manner trying to encourage and/or motivate someone out of depression. I don’t say that out of disrespect towards anyone who is struggling (I, myself, have dealt with this issue on many occasions) but it is the honest truth. The fact is that there are no amount of words that you or I could ever say that would bring someone out of their hopelessness.

It’s just not going to happen.

I have often thought, wondered, and even been asked how one is to cope/help/stir someone who is so lost in their own sorrow. People simply want to know how they can best help their loved one or friend escape from the clutches of their perceived “lostness”. Automatically, one is motivated to speak. An abundance of words would, to most people, be of great use in motivating the depressed to action. My question is this…How do you, an outside source with no earthly idea the extent of their pain, motivate those who cannot motivate themselves…with words?

Can I be honest in saying that it is highly likely that words were the catalyst to their current state? I mean sure, actions speak far louder than words but language is what affirms the motivation behind the giver. Words add validity to what they are already thinking. Speaking from experience I know that I was never in need of someone to come along and tell me that I shouldn’t feel the way I do (I already knew that). I was never in need of someone to tell me that as a Christian I should be happier because God was in my life (I already knew that). See, I already knew the logical answers. I was fully aware of what I should’ve been feeling, thinking, and doing…but my awareness never once deterred my feelings.

It is in these moments that two things must happen.

1.) The afflicted soul must come to grips with the reality that what they are feeling and/or experiencing is nine times out of ten irrational…and that’s ok. In order to best move forward we have to know where to start.

2.) The motivational coach of the situation has to realize that they are practically useless here. I don’t mean that rudely or as an encouragement to do nothing but I simply say that they cannot approach this situation thinking that they are superman. The worst mistake someone can make is thinking that they have all of the answers….Simply put, you don’t and there’s a reason…You haven’t taken the time to try and understand where we are coming from.

Talk is cheap but a listening ear is richer than gold to those who are without hope. 

My constant advice to those who are wondering, to myself is this: Listen before you speak. Take the time to try and best understand the circumstance of the other individual, why they are feeling the way they do, and be extremely slow to give practical advice. Odds are, they already know what you’re going to say. The best way for a sad soul is to know why they feel the way they do and they cannot do such a thing if no one gives them a chance to express it.

But words will always hurt me

If you happened to find this blog helpful, scroll to the bottom and share it! If you enjoyed what you read leave a comment, like the post, or enter your email address to subscribe for more “Confessions”. God bless you all!

13 Replies to “Your Words are Cheap”

  1. I am really impressed with your writing talents and also with the format to your blog.
    Is that this a paid subject matter or did you customize it your self?
    Anyway stay up the excellent high quality writing,
    it is rare to look a nice weblog like this one nowadays..


  2. Very well said! I think the whole “knowing the way you’re feeling is irrational, but being unable to get past that” is the hardest part of it all.


    1. I wholeheartedly agree. I have spent countless hours arguing, berating, and discouraging myself because of the insane amount of irrational things running through my head. Even then I never took the time to understand why it was that I kept thinking these things or experiencing our emotions. My worldview was warped beyond what I thought repairable. Thankfully there are people who have invested in me and helped me work through my struggles.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Living with someone who has chronic depression & anxiety is challenging. I have learned to watch for triggers without speaking of them; to read body language; to be a quiet presence; to pray for wisdom in what to say & when to say it. I still, in desperation to help, overstep. However, I find it harsh to say talk is cheap when it comes from a heart that cares but is at total loss. Uneducated or self educated, words are only cheap when insincere. Can well meant words be ineffective & harmful… yes. Therefore, educating & reaching out with good information such as you are doing is invaluable. I have gone thru deep depression myself to a dangerous point at times. Besides the Lord, there is only 1 person I share with & not always. I know it is not chronic but it can sure last a long time & really take the wind out of your sales. I could not imagine living in depression. Thank you for caring enough to reach out to others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Char, thank you so much for your honest input. I appreciate your thorough thoughts and your struggle personally and with someone close. I greatly appreciate that you are putting the effort in to help and understand. I also agree with your thoughts on our words and depression. I hope and pray that you find strength and encouragement through the Lord as you continue to fight. God bless!


  4. I think you are absolutely spot on with this. Depression is not rational, so talk does little good. The friend that comes to you and says “I don’t know what you’re going through but I love you and want you to know that I care and am praying for you”, that calms the soul. Sometimes a hug and someone to cry with means breaking out of the pain.


  5. But what if the person you’re concerned about won’t talk or share their feelings? I guess the “listening ear” just needs to be ready at all times for an opportunity. Lord, give those of us who so desperately want to help, words to speak when they are needed and set a guard over our mouths to prevent an abundance of “advice” when it is not. We call to You and seek great and hidden things we do not know to help those we love. (Jer 33:3)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. JER, I totally understand your sentiment presented in your first sentence. That is another component to why it is so difficult to encourage the depressed…Sometimes they just won’t talk. In these moments it is probably because of their negative experiences and massive lack of trust. These things take time and one has to show themselves trustworthy. It also does greatly help to have an open eye for opportunities. Thanks so much for your input!


    1. I completely agree! It honestly has done wonders for me being able to talk to people who help me process out my emotions. People need to listen more, including myself. thank you for your input!


Leave a Confession

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s