What happens when the world around you fades to black? What happens when the kingdom you’ve spent your entire life building turns out to be nothing more than a lego house? What happens when your idea of paradise is gone?
This is my letter to your broken soul.
I can’t write to you from a place of understanding because I’ve never taken walked a mile in your shoes, nor have I even taken a step. Please know that regardless of my lack of knowledge of your current standing, my heart is bleeding out for you. To hold on to something for your entire life only to see it be stripped away like it never existed must be heart wrenching. I see it on your face. I feel it in your words. I know it’s eating you from the inside out.
It’s doing the same to me.
I’m not going to waste your time giving you empty cliches and trying to fill you with the “keep your chin up try to smile” anecdotes. I hope to give you some sense of hope in a world gone wrong.
Can I tell you what Jesus has done for me?
Years have come and gone since my brain became warped by depression and anxiety. Countless times I’ve trembled in fear, thought and acted irrationally, and had death on my mind. Would you like to know how many times I’ve felt so misunderstood? As if no one in my world could grasp onto the nightmare I was living? In this sense I know exactly how you are feeling. The pain of loneliness is something that can not be understood, only felt. Hardly expressed, only lived. Can I say that in the loneliest times Jesus has been my comforter? I will admit that I didn’t always feel His presence but the knowledge of His nearness was enough to fill my heart. He was (is) faithful to hold me through the storm and He is holding you now. He has not left you in the madness. He is still there clinging on to you just as tight as He was before now. Hold on to Him.
My heart has been battered by bitterness. Dare I say it’s the same bitterness and anger surrounding yours right now? Years of my life were spent accumulating hatred within my soul. It was almost as if I thought I was going into hibernation and wrath was my sustainment. This, my dear, was the end of my innocence. Anger, as good as it feels, strips away any hope of youth you ever had. Anger is the chain that keeps you tied to the prison wall of hell. Can I say that Jesus’ forgiveness is far greater than any of our hate? He died for our sins in the face of the Jewish people’s venom. He hung on a cross so that we could have something greater than we ever deserved. He gave us life. Why would you waste what He’s given you being angry? Forgiveness is not easy, it’s a battle, but my dear it is so worth it. You must fight for the forgiveness of Christ. You must forgive those who have wronged you and you must let the forgiveness of Jesus come over you. Christ has set you free from your chains…Please, let them down and run free.
For the days you think that you’ve hit rock bottom remember that Jesus is the rock at the bottom. Falling so far will never be pain-free when you land but don’t forget that God’s grace is what catches us at the bottom. There is always hope through Christ. Please know that it is not your responsibility to fix other people’s mistakes. This is not your burden to bear…You’re only a kid. You are responsible for yourself and for what you do with what God has given you. Fight for your family, fight for your relationship with God, and fight for your heart. There is no fight worth greater than the one which you wage within. God is strong to fight for you and with you. Do not forsake his helping hand. You cannot do this alone.
I wish I could give you the world. I wish I could restore peace into your heart but we all know that Im not God. Only He can do these things. No amount of earthly love, materials, or feelings could ever measure up to what He can give you. Please don’t waste your life pursuing satisfaction in this world. It will break you. Only God can fill you. Chase after Him and He will never fail you. Pursue His unfailing love and He will always fill you. And in those times where you make a mistake please realize that His forgiveness is far greater than your sin. Don’t run from Him.
Please know that I am not pretending to know the exact thing you are feeling but also know that I have felt many of the same things you are experiencing…just differently. You are so loved. You are so immeasurably worth more than what you feel. Keep fighting, never give up, and know that my heart is for you and with you. I will be here when you fall, when you stand, and to help you crawl if you need it.
This is my letter to you, the broken. There is healing in the name of the Father; Run to His arms.