Confessions of a Brother: Part I


To my sister Morgan,

Today is your 21st birthday (Let’s go get so not drunk)! Now, I didn’t realize this when I planned to write about my family all week but I’m glad it works out this way. To best celebrate your birthday I want to take you through our journey and hopefully you will see just how much you mean to me.

We both know that you hated me when we were babies. If I had to bet money I would say that you came out of the womb kicking and screaming against my existence. To this day I don’t understand why you felt the need to scream and yell at me in the grocery store but at this point it doesn’t really matter. There was no one else in the world that could make me feel as tiny as you could growing up (lol). You were insanely quick witted and sarcastic. Whenever you and I got into arguments I didn’t stand a chance against you. In fact, whenever I tried to have a comeback I would only prove your point of me being an idiot. You frustrated the fire out of me growing up (Like that one time you poured milk all over my head but swore it was an “accident”..I’m on to you woman). Then, somehow you managed to rally the other two girls on to your side against me in every quarrel that we had! It was hard enough arguing against you one on one but you always needed to take it a step further. I honestly felt like you had an army and your main mission was to eradicate me from the Earth. When you realized you couldn’t kill me you decided on smashing my ego and self esteem. You were the Dr. Octopus to my Spiderman; the Voldemort to my Harry Potter. You were the Joker and I was Batman (Admittedly a little less poignant with my words). You were most definitely my arch nemesis and I will always be under the impression that I was the good guy. 🙂

Now, I admit that I was not always the nice one. I wasn’t always the innocent child in the family. There were times where I’m sure that I crushed you with my words. I know that a lot of your self value was based on me calling you big bertha everyday (I’m still sorry about that by the way). If there was anyone in our family that I repeatedly failed, more often than not it was you. Sure, you were stubbornly opposed to letting a lot of people in. Yes, you never showed weakness but I know that I hurt you sometimes and I’m forever sorry. You’ve been an independent child for a lot longer than myself but you were always my little sister (still are). Sure, it’s been a long time since all of this happened and we matured into the friends we are today but I still feel responsible in some way. As you are about to hopefully see you are valuable to me and a lot of my words were greatly misplaced.

When I came home from Word of Life I was a pretty angry guy. I allowed some tiny circumstances to become big ones in my heart. I invited some heavy bitterness and hatred into my life and I clung on to it as if it were my last hope. For the majority of that time (the beginning year of depression) I bought into the lie that no one cared about me. As you know, I was always the first to tell mom and dad about questionable things. You, on the other hand, didn’t feel it as necessary to do so and quite often let me know of how dumb I could be (lol). So, when I bought into this lie I did something that I thought was impossible for me to do…I kept it to myself. I didn’t tell mom or dad about how sad I was. I didn’t tell you, Megan, or Marisa about how mad at the world I was. I just went about taking my wrath out on anyone close to me. I mean for someone who always wore his heart on his sleeve I figured someone out there would notice. Alas, it seemed no one did. Then, one day at Hillsborough Community you asked me (in the nicest of ways lol), “What’s wrong with you?”. I don’t quite remember what the conversation was that sparked you saying that but you were the very first to openly voice concern. My heart had grown very dark and you opened my eyes to it. Despite my inability to deal with sarcasm and brutal truth I saw in that moment that someone cared. I had bought into the lie that no one did but you broke through that and showed me the truth. I’m incredibly grateful for your ability to be honest with me even when I don’t want to hear it.

I honestly never thought that you would get married before I did but you’ve always been pretty competitive. I will also say that Mom, Dad, Megan, Marisa, and John weren’t the only ones balling their eyes out when you walked down the aisle. I can’t express to you how proud I am of you. You’ve grown into an incredible woman of God with strong passions, commitments, and convictions. You’re going to make an absolutely amazing mother to your children one day. I’m so happy that you’re my strong willed, beautiful sister.

Happy Birthday!

I love you so much!

John’s Bestest Friend 😉

This I Promise (Your Wedding Song)

The stars are shining in your eyes

As we dance in the sky tonight

I can only tell you that my love

Is like the ocean wide

Let’s go swimming in the deep

Baby, just you and me

When you need some air I’ll be there to help you breathe

~

I will move mountains for you girl

When you have nowhere to stand I’ll be your world

I’ll heal your wounds, I won’t ever let you go

This I promise you’ll never be alone

~

Rest easy in the storms, I will carry you home

When life makes you bleed I’ll be the chord that makes you sing

With God as my witness I swear I will love you

So here I stand and say, “I do”

~

I will move mountains for you girl

When you have nowhere to stand I’ll be your world

I’ll heal your wounds, I won’t ever let you go

This I promise you’ll never be alone

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