I realized something during a mini panic attack yesterday…
I’ve become weak.
Not weak in the physical sense but mentally, spiritually.
I don’t have an “edge” anymore. I don’t have the will to fight. When anxiety hits, when temptation strikes, I simply give in as if I never had a chance to begin with. Isn’t that the lie that we’ve been fed? Those who struggle with depression don’t have hope. We have nothing to look forward to. We’re stuck in our sorrow with no way out.
So easy to believe.
Over the last few years my bout with intermittent depression has dulled my active pursuit of mental and spiritual strength. I’d rather cave to my weakness than fight. What strength do I have anymore? This battle, my daily life, has wiped me clean of motivation. I want to know God more, I want to pray better, I want to be at peace. It’s just that those things take effort, strength, and time; items of life that I don’t have anymore.
Knowing God and pursuing Him feels like a burden more than a release.
God is a God of peace, right? He’s near to the brokenhearted? He is the peace in our storm? If God is who He says He is why am I feeling this way?
Have you ever asked these questions?
Am I the only one?
I know I’m not.
Can I talk to my sorrowful friends? Will you allow me to be brutally honest with you and myself?
” My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.” Psalm 119:28
God is ALL of those things and more. He is exactly who He says He is. We just can’t see it because we’re too caught up in ourselves. We’re too caught up in our feelings. We’re too “lost” in our battle. We can’t see God for who He is because we’re not even looking at Him.
I firmly believe that there is a time for understanding and silence. I am a firm proponent for being an active reliever of pain. I want to be there for you. I want to tell you that it’s going to be o.k. I want you to know that you are loved as you are by God.
I also know that He doesn’t want you to stay this way.
This lie, this nightmare we live, is just that; it’s a lie. Nothing we’re experiencing is truth. Take a look around you. You know your fear is irrational. Would you like to know why? It’s because it’s based on something that doesn’t exist! Our depression thrives on capitalizing on the fear of the unknown. It makes us weak by showing us how much we’re not in control of. It tells us that God cannot be trusted.
DEPRESSION IS A LIE.
You are NOT worthless. You are NOT defined by your mental health. You are NOT the only one struggling. Everything your heart is telling you is a flat out lie.
While I’m a firm proponent of coddling and understanding, I realized that I had forgotten a vital piece of the puzzle; the urge to fight for my life.
How do you get past a lie? You fight to know the truth! You struggle and wrestle with what is real and what is not. It’s understanding that yes, you may be in a rough spot right now but you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to let your anxiety rule you!
It’s true, depression and anxiety will always be around. If you’ve dealt with it once, odds are you’ll continue to deal with it. The defining factor of our lives is what we do with it. Will we be people who acknowledged our struggles but fought to make a better life? Or will we simply succumb to the lie that we are too weak?
You are not weak.
You, by the Grace of God, have the strength to embrace His truth.
He loves you.
He knows your pain.
He’s holding you right now.
It’s up to you and I to stop focusing on our self and fight for our faith, the faith of others, and our perspective. Stop believing the lie that says you are only defined by your past. God is designing a beautiful present and a glorious future for His children. Trust Him. Fight the spiritual battle through prayer. Dig into the Word of God. If you don’t believe in God why don’t you at least try and see what He has to say? If you feel you’ve been burned by God why don’t you try and give Him another chance? You are not alone in this. God wants to comfort you but He also wants to change you. He wants to give you freedom. Just. Trust. Him.
Fight for your life.
We can do it.
‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ II Corinthians 12:9