Isolationist


I’m honestly a little frustrated and tired tonight. Here’s why…

 

The older I get, the more of an isolationist I become. I used to be a “social bug”. Back in the good ole days I’d find any and every excuse to get a big group of my friends together and go somewhere. Wal-Mart was a hotspot. The docks were a favorite pastime. Going to get food was the epitome of a “college party” (without all of the drugs, sex, etc..). Nowadays, doing any of those things with large amounts of people is a chore.

I hate it.

I don’t like very large groups anymore. They overwhelm me. The constant chatter, clanging, and laughter drives me up a wall. It feels like the walls could close in on me at any moment. Small(er) groups of people don’t help either. I can handle that for a little while but even then, I lose my ability to breathe.

The school I go to has a constant buzz of activity about it. People are everywhere all of the time. I love talking to my friends and being with them but sometimes I just need to be alone. How can I be alone if there’s nowhere to go to be alone?

Sure, I can go off campus but I can’t relax.

I honestly don’t know why. I hate it. It makes it difficult for my girlfriend and I. She’s a people-person with people-person friends. I feel like the grumpy troll under the bridge who never wants to do anything but sit around. What’s wrong with me? When did I become different?

Is it because I don’t trust? Is it because I’m selfish with my time? Is there something wrong or am I just becoming more introverted? Ugh.

I’m trying to compromise and deal with it. I guess I just want privacy. I want a place where I can go relax and not have the weight of the world being blasted on my shoulders. I’m ready for this phase of life to be over. Yeah, I know. “You’re gonna miss this when it’s gone.” Yeah, I will. It’s just time for me to grow up and move on.

Do y’all deal with this? How long can you handle large groups of people? Are you introverted or extroverted?

 

Have a great night!

 

Cheers

22 Replies to “Isolationist”

  1. social anxiety sucks! As someone who is in the same boat, i completely understand.

    if you don’t want to hear from an advice genie, that’s fine. stop here.

    i have success with on the fly self care? when i felt the anxiety start to build in a group setting i excused myself, stepped outside and had “a smoke break”. For me, that meant taking time to take in nature and doing some breathing exercises. After a few minutes, I calmed enough to rejoin the group.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, my church emphasizes the importance of “small group” to build community relationships. They usually consist of 10-12 people. It’s so incredible nerve-wracking to attend these that I usually coerce a family member to accompany me, even after the first few meetings when I’m supposed to feel comfortable around my new “friends.” I would stop going, but I realize the importance of not isolating myself, especially since I have children and do need to feel a sense of community, if not for myself, for them.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I, too, used to be the social butterfly. Lots of friends and lots of fun and I was always going somewhere to see someone to do something.

    Now, not so much. A lot of it has to do with my anxiety and some of it has to do with my depression and some of it is just the result of being 46 and being over the bar scene.

    But, I get concerned these days when I will be going somewhere crowded or if I have too many obligations in one day.

    It’s probably a good idea to talk to the doctor about what was prescribed for you if you are feeling hesitant. I don’t blame you for feeling hesitant. But if things got bad enough for you to need to go to the hospital, and you really don’t want to take the meds, maybe at least consider therapy. It’s not a bad thing to have someone in your pocket that you can talk to or vent to, whose feelings you are not going to hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel you on all of those things. I don’t find much value in big groups anymore; even outside of my stress and anxiety. You can’t get to know people like that. I don’t know…It’s hard sometimes. I feel like a burden…
      I have been through therapy before but it only lasted 8 weeks. I don’t know if I would be able to go back again…

      Like

  3. It sounds like you’re maturing. Seek out new friends who like doing the things you do that don’t require large crowds, etc.

    I’m the same way about crowds and have been for many years, but I’m considerably older and was probably about the age I’m guessing you are when I stopped liking being in loud, noisy, crowded places.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s some pretty great advice. I’ll definitely have to do that. I’m 23 years old now and it’s been going on for a year. I’m drained all the time…I recently cut back on work load so hopefully that will do wonders

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmmm, if you are feeling drained and losing interest in socializing at all, you could also be experiencing depression. I’ve suffered with depression most of my life, so I’m well aware of some of the symptoms. Please see a doctor.

        I think I was about 30 when I quit enjoying concerts, street festivals, etc., but not because of my depression. I simply felt claustrophobic and got tired of being battered in crowds, plus dealing with too many drunks.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It very well could be that too. I have cycles of depression (have dealt with it for four years) and the winter is one of those seasons with some rough memories.
        I don’t blame you on that at all! The drunks are bad enough to deal with but sometimes sober people can be ridiculous.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Is the avoidance of crowds a function of anxiety?

    Do sounds ‘sound” louder?

    Do you feel more irritable than usual?

    Are you under more stress?

    There are so many variables.

    If you consider it abnormal for you I think you should speak to a doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Just out of curiosity, what did the doctors prescribe and what makes you hesitant…don’t answer anything that makes you uncomfortable and I also should clarify that I am no professional so if you feel you need help in real time please call your doctor…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. They prescribed me Atarax. I’ve had some rough….interactions with Anxiety medicine in the past and I just don’t feel it’s gotten bad enough to cash in on that kind of risk. I appreciate your care and concern 🙂

        Like

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