Top 5 Ways to Handle Stress (Or Not)

I think this blog is going to be entirely applicable to everyone. Well, unless you’re a superhuman freak who never deals with stress. We all know (unless you’re that freakish being) what it’s like to handle stress…Most times you just don’t!

Stress is equivalent to the thought of running in my mind. It weighs me down. It makes me feel like I would rather be eating a pizza (which is all of the time). Who likes to run anyway? Oh wait, the freakish human being does (We hate you). 🙂

With that said here’s my exhaustive (mhm..right) list of ways to deal with stress!


5.) Procrastinate

Sounds counterproductive, doesn’t it? That’s because it is! I’ve found that the best way to deal with incredible amounts of stress is to not deal with whatever it is at all! It’s healing for the soul to immerse yourself in something that has nothing to do with whatever is stressing you out. Have a lot of homework? Play Minecraft! Have a deadline to meet at work? Go comb through Pinterest for the fourth time today! If all else fails and you absolutely must deal with your stress then I guess number 4 is the next step for you!


4.) Crawl back in bed

This is almost a given in any situation. The (4th) best remedy for a stressful day, occasion, or workload is to simply drown it out with sleep! That way you can dream all of the dreams you want about getting that very stressful thing done! Not only does it provide your body the rest it needs but it gives you the overwhelming (and false) sense that you’re actually doing something with your life!


3.) Curl up in to the Fetal Position

Can you see the steady progression we have going here? You’re certainly going to awaken from your beautiful dream at some point. When that happens you’re going to realize that you still have that very stressful item weighing on your mind! When all else fails (and you no one to cling on to and cry for desperate help) just snuggle yourself! That’s right! Lay flat out on the ground, grab those lanky legs of yours, pull ’em in nice and close, and then rock back n’ forth like you’ve never rocked back n’ forth before! Productive? Nope! Therapeutic? Eh, depends.


2.) Argue with yourself

At this point you’ve realized that the only way you’re going to be able to deal with this stress is by doing just that, deal with it! As you lay in the fetal position, you’re bound to begin trying to encourage your heavy laden spirit to get up off of that floor and get some work done! This reaction will inevitably set off a chain reaction of arguments with yourself. I advise anyone in this stage to find a place for some privacy. You definitely don’t want your co-workers, family, or friends to think that you’re some kind of raging lunatic. After all, your reputation is precious….myyyy precious…


1.) Cry

The final way to deal with your stress is to simply let it all out. You’ve hit the proverbial bottom of the rock, what’s left to do? You’ve beaten yourself up mentally, probably attained some kind of psychotic label from your friends, and the stress is still there! At this point you should probably cave in to the fact that you’re never going to attain success like your rich, beautiful neighbor. Give in! Cry a little bit. We won’t judge you (Lol…At least you think).


There you have it folks: My top 5 ways to deal with stress! Do you deal with it any other way? Leave a comment down below and let me know if I missed a step!


*Author’s note: This post is entirely satirical and should not be, in any way taken seriously. I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequence of someone following my words of unbelievable wisdom. In the famous words of J. Jonah Jameson (or something like that) “You’re on your own kid”…I don’t know if he actually said that…Just sounds like something he would say.



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