I’ve Worshiped a god that doesn’t Exist…


I believe that I’ve stumbled across a fundamental problem within Christianity. It’s one that has literally caused me to stop and catch my breath. It’s one that still has me in thought. Thinking what I’m thinking flies in the face of all that I’ve grown up with. I’ve been a Christian for almost seven years. I was born and raised in a Christian home. How can I think this? What am I about to do?

I’ve worshipped a god that doesn’t even exist.

You thought that the title was click-bait didn’t you? Far from it. In recent days I’ve discovered stumbled upon this thought: What if the God myself and so many other Christians “worship” doesn’t even exist? What if we’ve been worshipping the wrong one? If so, do I still believe in a God? Am I going to be an outcast for the rest of my life? To my Christian friends, don’t label me an atheist just yet. To my non-Christian friends, think through this with me and let me know what you think.

I’ve been struggling with the thought process of fitting into the many different ideologies that many different people have. We all have our own version of what life should be and what it should look like. We all have our own separate dreams and wishes for what and how we wish our lives to go. These presuppositions and assumptions mold our approach to life and our way of thinking. We act, think, and feel as if our dreams were reality. We work towards them. We pour our sweat, blood, and tears into the very product of our livelihood. This is what I like to call our very own, personal “cookie cutter” mold.

Each cookie cutter is different. They form different shapes, have different sizes, and are utilized in different ways. What is a cookie cutter used for? Well, cutting cookies of course! With that thought let’s assume that the cookie dough is life. We all start out with our own cookie cutter and we set off to shape the dough to fit our specific mold. When we’ve run out of space what do we do? Well, place our idealistic cookies on a tray and bake ‘em! We finalize them and harden them with the oven of opinion and experience. When those are done we grab a new chunk of “life” and start over. What do we do with the pieces that weren’t good enough to go on the tray? Where do they go? We discard them; throw them in the trash. We get rid of the things that we don’t like and the things that didn’t make the final cut. Do you see where I’m going with this? No? Keep reading.

This specific motif of cookie cutting applies to all areas of life. We all have presuppositions based on our upbringing, our experiences, and our current circumstances. Our worldview shapes our perspective. We cookie cut in our relationships, in our jobs, in our marriages, and in our pursuit of religion (or lack thereof). This is a natural way of life. It’s our instinct. How else would we determine truth and danger? In order for us to survive we have to cookie cut, right?

What does all of this have to do with God?

I believe that so many of today’s “Christians” have created a cookie-cutter god based off of their experiences, circumstances, and feelings and then named Him “Jesus”.

Here’s a more concise way of saying it: I believe that most “Christians” today aren’t even “Christians” because they don’t know the true God they’re supposed to be worshipping.

It seems as though we’ve taken the God of the Bible, studied Him, and built a shell of what we think He should be. We’ve cast our cookie cutter mold in to the structure of the Word of God and created a personally appropriate version of God for ourselves. Some say that God is a crutch but I say that this thinking is representative of their personal mold of God. Others say that God isn’t capable of sending people to hell but I say that this is indicative of their specific cookie cutter. Most say that God is sovereign, holy, and loving but live their life as if that truth never entered into their ears. So many people claim to know God but do those people know the very God that they’re claiming? This begs my question: Does the God so many Christians claim to serve even exist or have we created our own robot and named it Jesus?

I’m not denouncing God. I’m not saying that I don’t believe in Jesus and that everything I’ve lived for is a lie. What I am saying is that I fully believe that there’s something someone so much greater, so much stronger, so much higher than my feeble mind can even comprehend. There’s more to it than just going to church, putting on my “Christian face”, and then leaving. There’s something more visceral and appealing than trying to say all of the right things, trying not to swear, and refraining from the bad things of life. Is Jesus who He really says He is? If so, why aren’t more people living for Him? Where have we gone wrong? Why is it that the Church just isn’t what it should be? I can’t fathom the thought of living another day in this kind of cookie cutter Christianity serving an idol named “Jesus” who we’ve made with our own mold of life.

The real Jesus is out there and He is exactly who the Bible says He is. I’m tired of apathetically falling in line with whatever the new trend of Jesus is. I want to seek His face. I want to follow Him regardless of the difficulty. I want to trust Him despite knowing it won’t provide momentary bliss. I’m putting aside my pleasure, my profit, and my perspective to rediscover the God that I believe exists.

I’m throwing my cookie cutter out of the kitchen window. I’m throwing away the burnt batch of cookies. I’m setting out to find the real Jesus apart from my presuppositions, apart from my assumptions about who I think Jesus should be, and apart from the generic, boring version of God that so many Christians “worship” today.

There are those out there, like me, who are pursuing the real Jesus. I want this to encourage them that they are not alone. I also want this to serve as a plea for those who have fallen into the cookie cutter mindset. I wish that you would set aside your assumptions and take this journey with me. The God of the Bible does not and cannot fit into your own personal “box”. He is an entity more profound than the deepest philosopher, more powerful than the raging sea, and more loving than you or I could ever dream.

My hope is to write and share with you my findings, the things we’ve gotten right, and the things that I feel we’ve gotten wrong as Christians. This won’t just be a journey for Christian folk, though. If you have your questions, doubts, or disparities with the God of the Bible I want you to come with me too. Can we take an honest, thoughtful look in to the Bible? Can we try and find the real Jesus together?

I’m done worshipping a cookie cutter God.

Will you journey with me?

Will you search for the real Jesus with me?

Or will you settle for the idol that you’ve created in your heart?

Feel free to leave a comment down below with any and all questions, comments, or concerns. Let’s start digging through this right now. Be sure to follow Confessions to keep up with it all! Thank you so much for reading.

40 Replies to “I’ve Worshiped a god that doesn’t Exist…”

  1. We can not know all about God. There are so many different concepts or aspects. You can still be a Christian, though all Christians may not accept you, while dismissing some concepts they hold dear.

    Knowing about God is different from knowing God experientially. A child knows his mother well, without knowing all about her. You can know God without knowing much about Him/Her/It/Them.

    I was in a group of clergy and their families one day, when I said “I think you have to lose your faith before you find it.” There was a general chorus of agreement.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would also have to join that chorus of agreement my friend. That’s an incredibly well said point. It’s fascinating to think that as much as I know my mom, I still don’t know her. Same for God. It only makes me want to pursue them more!

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  2. I look forward to reading more. It has always struck me as funny that the Jesus I know is so different from the one most others seem to know. Reading the Gospels was eye opening for me, so important to go beyond the bits of scripture (often taken out of context) we hear (or heard in my case) in sermons and Bible study. People seem to very quickly forget Jesus’ message of love.

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    1. Amen, amen. I’m truly concerned with this fact. It’s too easy to hook on to the things we like about Jesus but then cast out something that’s uncomfortable. Like, if we do that are we really worshipping the Jesus from the Bible? Not at all. Most Christians are only worshipping a god that makes them happy but what if the real God isn’t out for our happiness but His glory? I’m about to get preachy so I’ll save it hahaha

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      1. I guess at the end of the day it’s much easier to compartmentalize God.

        (And I feel rather hypocritical even commenting since I know how much I struggle with my own faith and am sinful as crap. But God or no God, depending on whether my depression really throws me for a loop, I can’t emphasize how important I think it is for people to read the Gospels and get to know Jesus on a personal level, not the pick-n-choose level.)

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  3. It’s not sufficient to talk the talk. One must absolutely walk the walk. So many don’t. They proclaim to be Christians, but hate speech does not belong in Christianity. And our politicians? Oh my, so wrong!

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    1. I agree wholeheartedly, my friend! I mean, why else would the Bible say “There will be many who say to me ‘Lord, Lord’ but I will say depart from me I never knew you?”. I mean James 2 is full of wisdom when it says “Faith without works is dead”. Works do not produce salvation but your salvation should definitely produce some kind of works!

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      1. My grandfather and my great uncle were both Methodist ministers. I see the way churches are now and I don’t even bother. The Establishment is not walking the walk in the slightest.

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      2. I completely agree! I think this is a great chance for people like you and I (who see the issues) to start stepping in and encouraging growth. That’s what I hope these blogs will start doing!

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    1. Hello R.E! That’s a great question. Let’s be honest: I grew up in a Pastor’s home and it’s all I’ve ever known. As I grew older I began making it more of my own faith but recently I’ve been noticing a decline in other Christians desire. I want to pursue Jesus because of His love for me, His sacrifice on the cross for my sins, and because ultimately His way and His desires for my life are best. I have faith and hope that He knows what He’s doing because that’s what He said in the Bible. I’ve come to know Jesus so much more personally over the past year. Did I come to that by experiencing peace, comfort, and safety? Not at all. It was through hardship, struggles, and storms. It’s a personal desire to know Jesus because His ways are so much higher than mine. He sacrificed himself on the cross to redeem my sins, a person undeserving of such love. I want to be like Him because I can’t think of anything greater to be than Jesus. Does that help? 🙂

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      1. Thanks for the reply. It’s certainly helps gain a better understanding of you.
        I have always struggled to understand this ‘personal’ relationship so many people have with God. How do you know God more now that you did previously?

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      2. In the same sense I definitely appreciate the questions! They are stretching and makes me think. What have you struggled with in the past when it comes to the relationship? I would say that I know Him more now because I know more of myself. I’ve taken time to dig in to the Bible and read what it says God is. I’ve chosen to have faith and hope in those very things because they in turn give me hope. My circumstances and experiences have served to push me closer to God because I’ve seen those things of the Bible come to life. A lot of people say that God is a crutch but I would say that God is so much more than just a personal object to help me get through bad times. He loves me (and You), is constantly guiding me, and He’s changing me to be more like Him. So many people choose Jesus because it’s a “get out of hell free” card. Honestly, going to heaven is just a benefit to God not the main thing. The main prize of a relationship is the relationship itself.

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      3. I feel you are taking various emotions and experiences and wrongly attaching them to the faith you were brought up in. When you say ‘I know him more now because I know more of myself’, what does that mean? That isn’t a relationship and if human relationships were as deprived of touch, conversation, presence etc, our relationships wouldn’t be anywhere near as satisfactory as they are.
        I haven’t struggled in the past with the relationship, there just hasn’t been one.

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      4. When I say that I’m saying this: The more I know who I am (sinful, undeserving of God’s love, hopeless to make anything out of this world on my own) the more I see who God is despite myself (He is holy, perfect, merciful, full of grace etc…). Does that explain it a little? I tie myself up in my vocabulary a little too much sometimes. To say that attaching emotions and experiences to faith is somewhat wrong is, in essence, a wrong point of view. I don’t mean that to be argumentative at all but God is an emotional God. It’s seen all throughout the Bible and even in Christ’s earthly life. (Matthew 20:34; Jeremiah 32:41; Exodus 22:24 etc…) Emotions are a part of life and I think that they allow us to relate more to who God is. I firmly believe that it is not all emotionally based but they have to play a part in it.

        Humor me here: Do you believe that your human reasoning is infallible so far as to prove what is unprovable? I fully admit that I can’t 100% prove to you that there is a God. Why? Because I can’t do anything to persuade you or change your mind. I don’t have all of the intellect in the world and it seems as though all other intellect has failed you. With that I ask my question.

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      5. When you say you are sinful, undeserving of Gods love, hopeless, it seems like religion has you on the ropes. You have fell for the trap of being beaten down and made to feel inferior so that religion can be the tool to pick you up. It’s a great and effective system.
        I don’t believe that I have many answers at all, if you had overwhelming evidence for God I would happily believe it. I don’t get turned on by not believing, it’s just more logical. And why are you the one trying to prove God? Where is God during this?

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      6. Religion never put me anywhere. My natural (sinful) state as defined by the Bible and by God from the beginning of time (Well, Genesis 3) put me on the ropes. That is why I need God, not religion, to save me. See, I’m beginning to understand that religion is your issue. It’s a common misconception and one I dont blame you for but still inept at its core.
        My friend I can try and provide all of the evidence in the world. Ken Ham through the Creation Museum has arguably the most convincing evidence for a biblical model of Creation and of God that I’ve ever seen. If you want evidence, try that? You and I can discuss fossils, carbon dating, and rock layers until the cows come home but I can almost guarantee you that you still won’t be convinced.
        If I’ve fallen for any trap it is the one you currently believe you’ve placed me in. lol. You asked my why I pursue Jesus and I explained. I still stand by what I said and have nothing to prove. I also literally just said I can’t prove God to you 100%. I have my reasoning, my faith, and my logic as do you. I recognize I can’t change you but you walked in, read the article (Im assuming), and asked a question (of which I’m grateful for). You can’t expect me to not bring any of this up if you open the door. You fully know what it means to believe in a God as I’m sure you’re educated on it. You and I can argue with logic all that we want but some times logic needs to take a back seat and we trust in something that is bigger, more comprehensive than our fallible logic.

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      7. You do realise that just because the bible says these things, it doesn’t mean that any of it’s true? And why can’t that trust in something bigger, more comprehensive be any other God? What hallmarks of the Christian God have you had in any of your experiences? How do you know Zeus isn’t the puppeteer?
        I’m not trying to be a smart-arse here, I just want to question as much as I can. I do however feel that your emotions are heavily influencing your reasoning.

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      8. I don’t. But because I don’t know it’s the God of the Bible, I’m not going to assume it is. That would be crazy!

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      9. Then I reiterate your exact statement towards the assumption that it could be any other god. See the circle we’re running around? I’m not an intellectual nor a philosopher…I’m a Bible college student who loves God. Yes, I was born into this. Yes, it’s incredibly easy to place my “emotion” into this. Yes, I could just as easily believe in another god if I wished. The difference? Despite all of that I still wake up everyday with an earnest desire to know who God is. I still wake up everyday with a desire that people would know that Christ loves them enough to sacrifice himself on a cross for their sins so that they can have a relationship with the God of the Universe. That is my earnest desire and I recognize that all of that may not be enough for you. If that’s the case then so be it. As I’ve stated, I’m not out to argue you down or force you to believe. The fact that you and I have been talking for this long and about this subject matter is proof to me that God is stirring in your heart. Mock, scoff, question, use your logic to disprove it but that’s what I believe. I respect you as a person and love you the way God loves you but it seems that nothing I say quells whatever is going on inside of you. I don’t know what brought you to these conclusions but I’ve answered your questions, shined a light on my faith, and here we are. My logic states that God is real because of the course of creation around us. This is all too complex for there not to be a God. It just so happens that my faith, my logic, and my emotion is all put into the God of the Bible. If you don’t believe that then it is your choice as it is mine to do with my choice as I will. Am I wrong? We’ll find out. Are you wrong? We’ll find out. I don’t know what else to tell you that might satisfy the desire in your heart.

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      10. It’s not all too complex to not have been created without a God, it’s because our brains aren’t complex enough to understand 🙂
        I appreciate your honesty when describing what makes you believe, however it can be seen as quite arrogant when you state that God is stirring in my heart, as if you know me better than I know me. I have happily talked with you on this topic too and you are right to believe what you want to believe. I just urge you to look at the facts with an open mind, free from any emotional baggage.

        Liked by 1 person

      11. The line ‘I was once an atheist’ is the ultimate turn off. I mentioned this to anther blogger recently, it’s hard to find a theist argument without this statement. I’m sorry, but number five is utter rubbish. This ‘God loves us and wants us to find him’ malarkey, I don’t even see the logic in this. If it was true that an all powerful, loving deity wanted to reach us, why does a blog post have to state six points to supposedly prove God exists? It’s literally that simple.

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      12. Also, please know that I am adamantly against arguing on social media blah blah blah. I just want to clear that up because I don’t want you to think I’m trying to start a hellfire over here. I’m very much enjoying this conversation with you!

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  4. I *think* I understand what you’re saying here. It’s very philosophical, and I was never really any good at philosophy; “I think therefore, I am,” kind of thing.

    I know my beliefs are based in faith: the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. I hope and believe (and therefore have faith) that the Bible is true and that Jesus is who He says He is. I don’t think that I’m worshiping a “cookie-cutter” God. I know He knows me on an intimate level and I hope and believe (and therefore have faith) that I am worshiping the one true God the Bible describes. My experiences are not like any other person’s because I am uniquely made for the purpose of serving Him in the way He designed me to. The God you worship may be the same God but your relationship with Him is going to be completely different than mine. And that’s what it’s about: relationship, not religion, not dogma. Who do you put your faith in? With whom do you have your relationship?

    I look forward to your response and further posts on this topic.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello my friend 🙂 I do believe that I think too hard and too much sometimes. My mom told me that last night. lol Everything you just said is exactly what I believe and what I’m pursuing after. I’ve grown up in the Christian lifestyle and I don’t want it to just be something I fall into. I don’t want to fall into the trap of the modern day, lazy Christianity that I’ve seen so prevalent in churches. I want to follow after Jesus. I’ve come to know Him and love Him so much more over the past year. Did that happen because of comfort and safety that I experienced? No. It came from unbelievable pain and anxiety. I see so many people praying for peace, safety, and comfort but they never want to be stretched. I fully believe that if God weren’t gracious, loving, and merciful He would give us peace, comfort, and safety. I think His love is made evident through struggle because that is when He grows us and makes us more into His image. I put my full faith in the God of the Bible and I pursue after Him. I love Him with all of my heart but I just don’t want to settle.

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      1. Well, I would agree to a certain end. I would say that I have faith in an afterlife but I definitely agree that I can’t describe it. What about God? Who is he to you? Sometimes we can get caught up in titles when all that really matters is the relationship.

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      2. If there is a God, and I still have hope that there is, again… You or I would have no way of knowing or describing him, her, it. Outside of time and space pretty much means unreachable and immaterial pretty much means non existent in this time, space or material world.

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      3. The bible is highly unreliable in its composition, editing and transmission. The God described there is a man-made tribal myth

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      4. Do forgive the absence, sleep was required. 🙂 The language in which you use almost sounds to me as if you are angry. You said you used to be a “Christian” and you used to believe, teach, and enforce the myths of the Bible. That means at one point you believed it to be true but then you stopped. What’s made you become a skeptic agnostic?

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