Confessions

I’m firmly aware that everyone knows men and women are completely different. We’re not only unique in physical makeup but also biologically/genetically. It’s a beautiful thing, really.

What also separates us is our “code.” We males call it the “bro-code.” I don’t know what women call theirs but I know that one exists. I’m sure it’s been written about somewhere in the vast library of books on the beautifully intricate mind of a woman. Since I’m not a female and cannot speak of the female code, I will only discuss the bro-code.

Men operate by a set of unwritten rules. These rules allow each of us our own space, privacy, and dignity when we are having to interact with others bros. It’s simple, it doesn’t have to be discussed, and knowing these rules kind of comes with the territory of bro-hood.

You just don’t break the bro-code. Here are a few of the simple, well-known deviations of the “code.”

1.) If your bro recently ended a relationship, you, as a brotherly bro, should not pursue that girl until an acceptable amount of time has passed. This is a major no-go on the bro-scale. Be respectful, bro.

2.) No matter what, if there are two bros hanging out, always leave one seat in between the bros. If a bro is sitting on a three-seater couch and you come up and plop your bro-butt in the middle seat, odds are, you’re going to get bro-punched.

3.) NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE TALK TO A BRO AT A URINAL. *ahem* Sorry….

Needless to say, one of the bro-codes was flagrantly violated against me yesterday. Can you figure out which one?

I’m in the great state of West Virginia until today working a convention for my job. It’s been a decent few days and the people have been nice.

We all know how the days typically go. We grab our coffee, meander about our day, and at some point end up having to pee. It’s normal. It happens.

So,I ended up having to pee yesterday and so I did what any normal male would do and I went to the restroom. As I’m standing there doing my business, another older, seasoned bro comes waltzing into the bathroom and gives me that “look.”

You know, the “I’m about to have a conversation with you look.”

I immediately tried to divert my eyes away and get back to the business at hand but he wasn’t having it.

“How are you today?!”

Folks, this kind of surprised me. It took me aback. Caused me to get a little shaken up. It’s bad that I already have a shy bladder but here we have a complete stranger, a bro nonetheless, trying to be buddy buddy with me in the urinal.

“Doing just fine.”

“Great! Who are you here with?”

“Uhhh…Piedmont International University.”

At this point, I’m thinking…”Are you freakin’ serious? Is this guy really trying to have a conversation with me right now?”

This went on for a few more minutes but it genuinely felt like hours. I was desperately trying to do what I needed to go and get out of there. I suppose he didn’t get the hint that I was not interested in talking while trying to use the restroom.

I finished my business, chuckled at a few of his jokes and desperately tried to avoid any eye contact whatsoever as he continued chatting. I went to wash my hands and he followed me.

I went to dry my hands and he followed suit still chatting it up.

I left the bathroom and he was right behind me laughing like a little schoolboy.

Which then brings me to another bro-code….

NEVER FOLLOW ANOTHER BRO OUT OF THE BATHROOM LAUGHING.

I know girls accompany each other to the restroom all of the time but as bros, we just don’t do it. It is what it is. In my world, I’m not going to the restroom to find new friends. I’m going to do my business and leave. This guy, however, was of a different mindset.

Look, I love having conversations with people. I don’t mind talking to strangers and developing relationships. However, I don’t prefer doing so when I’m in the restroom as vulnerable as I could be. Like, leave me alone. I’ll talk to you when we’re outside.

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I distanced myself from this guy. The more I thought about it, the more entertaining it became. So much so that I almost spewed some of the water I was drinking. That, however, does not change the fact that it’s a rule that you just don’t break.

So, now you know, folks.

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Our next entry into the “Finding Who We Are” series comes to us next Wednesday. I read Emily’s story last night and was once again in tears. I hope that you’ll bookmark the site and are looking forward to the next story.

If you’re interested in contributing to the series, shoot me an email at confessionsmalin@gmail.com. I’ve got two or three more slots in December and have already started filling dates in January! Y’all’s support has been incredible.

You are loved.

You are valued.

Even if you don’t feel like it.