Saturday Confession: Please Forgive Me

I honestly feel like this week has been full of “real” confessions and I’m about to add one more. This time, though, I come to you full of regret and humility.

I’ve been in a car for the last seven hours waiting for the moment that I could pull out my laptop and pen this letter to you all. That’s how anxious I’ve been to clear the air between us all.

Earlier this week I wrote a few blog posts that were very strongly worded and incredibly passionate. You cannot find them now, as I’ve taken them off of my site, but they were brutally personal and honest. So much so that I have offended some and wrongly called a broad audience on the floor for something they were not guilty of.

In these posts, I allowed my frustration and anger to fuel me. With that, I painted a broad picture that anyone on Facebook that didn’t take the time to read my blog was “ignorant.” I insinuated that, because they didn’t pay attention to my blog, they weren’t doing anything worthwhile with their lives and were damaging the cause of mental health awareness.

If you are reading this and happened to have been offended by those posts, I am here to express my deepest apologies and to ask you for forgiveness.

I was confronted with the nature of these posts and instantly realized that what I had done was wrong. I operated out of a lack of self-control and tact. I was a fool and was only thinking of myself.

Please, please forgive me?

The majority of today has been spent coming face to face with my sin. I’ve made a lot of mistakes this week and in the process, I’ve caused some problems. I cannot express to you how deeply my heart has been grieved by this.

I am the farthest thing from a perfect man. I am often ruled by my emotions and often find myself saying exactly what’s on my mind with no regard to how it may affect others. To be quite honest, I can be a fool.

I am learning every day what it means to be a man of God. I know that God does not see me for my sin, but rather, He sees Jesus in place of my sin. Jesus took care of my mistakes on the cross and he defeated the consequence of them. There is always forgiveness offered for me and for you when we fail.

And fail, we do. I do so on a daily basis and I need to be humbled on a daily basis. I’ve been called to be obedient to what God says. I’ve been called to conform myself to the image of Christ: selfless, holy, kind, patient, merciful, gentle, etc…Jesus knows that we can’t do it ourselves and that’s why we have Him. That’s why we need His forgiveness when we mess up.

So His forgiveness, and yours is what I seek. I am fully trusting that Christ has forgiven me and is working in my life to use this situation to grow me. It has certainly brought me down low and I can only ask that each of you forgive me as well.

For my facebook readers, I’m sorry if I called into question your ministry and made it seem as if I was degrading it. You are valuable and you are being used by God. Please don’t let a foolish man’s rant keep you from pursuing the Lord. I am so sorry.

For my WordPress friends, I’m sorry for not being a better example of what a Christian should be. I abused the power of this blog and used it for my own selfish gain. No safe place or refuge is full of unbridled ranting and anger. I hope and pray that I did not cast a bad image of Christ on you. Please, forgive me?

I promise, in the future, to be more restrained with how I present the issues I am facing. This has been something that has been at the forefront of my brain but I am obviously still trying to get it through my head and to my heart. There’s no reason for me to ever lash out at people or to call into question their motives.

Thank you all for your patience, love, and kindness as I continue to learn, grow, and seek the Lord as a foolish, naive 23-year-old.

You are loved.

You are valued.

6 Replies to “Saturday Confession: Please Forgive Me”

  1. I didn’t take it that way Matthew. I felt as though you were asking people to pay attention to mental health because people may be hurting and we need to know it. No one’s perfect, but I respect what you’re doing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. hey matt,

    you are worthy. you are loved.

    its, though feel that we don’t belong sometime to worth and love. everyone that has a mental disorder/illness/condition faces a stigma at some level. the general population is ignorant. they keep their distance from what they don’t know, well, become because they don’t want to know. the unknown can be scary

    you face the same human condition the every conscious human faces; wanting to belong. my paraphrase of your statement, “read my blog so I can feel like I belong, gol darn it!” was simply a call for connection. ya know what? there’s nothing wrong with that.

    all people are ignorant of one thing or another. i’m even ignorant of how many things i’m ignorant of. we all choose what we know and what we don’t know. gwad, i hope you’re not a particle physicist, but if you’re not, you just haven’t made the time to learn about it. i don’t believe i’m going on a limb with the statement, there is some level of ignorance with at least some of your facebook friends when it comes to mental disorders. reading your blog could be one way they could become edjumacated, but they don’t make the time for it. at some level that’s a statement of with all i am doing, i don’t want to learn, i don’t want to know.

    please understand that is more a statement about them, their busy lives and they choices they make and not about you. no matter the choices they make, there are still people, including me that say you are worthy. you are lovedl

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I didn’t take any offense at the posts. I quite agree about American culture being largely absorbed in superficial issues. Your energy reminded me of myself. It is so hard to find balance-take it from me. I need to ask God for balance often.


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