Valentine’s Day is coming.
There’s a reason why I’m not posting this on said holiday, and that’s because I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Now, before you begin thinking I’m another bitter soul, let me say that I have no quarrel with it.
Honestly. I’m perfectly fine with the holiday.
In fact, if I were in a relationship I’m sure I would have treated my girlfriend to a nice dinner. I don’t see anything wrong with it, and I don’t mind that all of the couples around me will celebrate it.
I’m not bitter. Promise. 🙂
Now that we have that foundation settled let’s dive into the issue at hand.
I have been for almost seven months now.
Believe it or not, I’m ok with it.
When I ended my previous relationship, I didn’t swear off dating. I didn’t take an oath of celibacy for a pre-determined amount of time. I didn’t slip into despair, wondering if I would ever find love again.
None of those.
However, I would be lying if I said that it’s been easy to deal with. Let’s be honest, here. We live in a culture saturated by the mindset that our worth is wrapped up in our relationship status.
The ones who have a significant other are the lucky ones, while the rest of us are the cursed leper’s bound to spend an eternity alone.
I’m being dramatic, but I digress.
With the world that we live in, how could you not try to pursue a relationship? And with this world, how could you not become frustrated when your attempts are met with unfavorable results?
I’m not frustrated with the fact that I can’t seem to find a stable, functioning relationship. I’m frustrated with the mindset that attempts to persuade me that I have to have one.
Really? Do I?
No. Not at all.
It’s a lesson that has taken many years for me to fully understand. I mean, I was chasing girls and pursuing love when I was in the third grade. I still remember her name, I still remember her face, and I still remember the pain she caused!
When my parent’s told me that I had reached the age where I was allowed to date (yes, that’s how I was raised. I’m fine with it.), I leaped at the opportunity.
All of my energy, emotion, and passion went into finding “the one.” Needless to say, it was a bumpy ride. Ask my family. I seemed to trade girlfriends like someone would trade their Pokémon cards. It was bad. I’m not proud of it, but I was sixteen. What else did I know?
It was unfortunate because I ended up a heartbroken mess. After four years of desperation, I found myself in a muddled mess of my own self-respect. I had given it all away in the pursuit of having someone by my side.
I wish I could say that I learned my lesson at age twenty, but I’d be lying. Fast forward another four years, three more relationships, and here we are.
I’m not going to dive into the semantics of my previous relationship. I struggled to figure out who I was, I made a lot of mistakes, and I learned an incredible amount.
Of those lessons was a message my beautiful momma has been preaching to me ever since I could waddle.
“Never settle. You’re worth far more than any girl could ever offer. Your value is in Christ.”
I’m paraphrasing, of course, but that’s what it boiled down to. What I didn’t do when she told me those things was listen. Oh, how I wish I would have listened to my momma. I can see her shaking her head, smiling, and thinking, “duh!” ❤
I have nothing new to bring to this table of love. I have no sage advice that you haven’t already heard. I don’t have any cliché phrases to use in an effort to make you feel good about yourself. All that I have are the personal experiences and lessons I’ve learned.
Those very things speak to this one truth: You don’t need a significant other to survive.
I’ve done it for seven months. I’ve thrived, I’ve struggled, I’ve matured. I did all of those things when I was in a relationship, too. The simple fact is that life moves whether you have love or not. What you and I do with that is solely up to us.
Do I wish that I could be in a relationship? You bet! There have been a few opportunities in these past few months, but I chose not to pursue them. Why? Because I knew that I’d be settling. I also knew that, for whatever reason, this is the time of life that God has put me in.
I’m learning to love where I’m at instead of who I’m with. God knows what He’s doing. Who am I to doubt to Him? Note that I said “doubt” instead of “question.”
There are days where I find myself asking the Lord “when?” I can’t sit here and tell you that I’m 100% content with being single. I have good days, and I have bad days. I’m a normal human being. I’m ok with that. You should be too.
Don’t strive to find significance in someone else. The only thing that you will find there is frustration. No person can fully satisfy you. You’re two individuals looking to satisfy their own selfish desires. Two negatives added together still equal a negative.
What you absolutely must do is this: Learn to be content with where you are, find value in something higher than yourself, and enjoy your freedom.
You have no control over yesterday or tomorrow. You’ve been given today, and that’s it. Love where you’re at. Make the most of it.
I believe that God gives us all value. I hold firm to that belief and I would hope that you would too. He loves you.
There’s truth to the idea that single individuals have more freedom. Do more with the time you’ve been given.
I’m not in the process of finding myself. I’m not trying to better myself so that I can be in a relationship one day. I’m living my life one day at a time; taking the opportunities that God gives me, and doing the best with what I have.
That’s all that we can do.
So, enjoy Valentine’s Day for what it is: Another day on this beautiful Earth.
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