Let me begin my rant by making one thing abundantly clear…
I am the farthest thing from a perfect human being. I am selfish. I am undeserving. I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
I want you to keep that at the forefront of your minds as I type this to you. I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I have an elevated opinion of myself and my ability to successfully maintain a healthy relationship. Ask around. They’ll tell you that I’m an active mess.
Having come to that knowledge of who I am, and actually accepting that, I would like to think that God is changing who I am. He’s showing me areas that I obviously need to change but He’s also showing ways that I don’t want to settle for less.
One of those areas is found in the dating field.
I’ve been single for almost a year now. My poor, beautiful ex-girlfriend had to put up with a TON of crap. I was a horrible, angry human being and I was not always the nicest person in the world. That’s probably an understatement, but I digress.
She knows all of this, and I’ve actively done what I can to repent of that lifestyle and move on from that. During that time, though, I learned a lot about myself and about what I should be looking for/changing in anticipation of my future.
In the last year, I have had “interests.” What I mean by that statement is simply a peaked curiosity towards an individual that resulted in my desire to get to know them more. There was never really much beyond that. Why?
Shortly after this moment of peaked curiosity, I began to see small patterns of behavior that indicated this particular individual wasn’t interested in me.
By saying that, I’m not just saying that they weren’t “into me” because they were. I’m saying that they had no interest in who I was as a person: my likes, dislikes, hobbies, life background etc…
At first, I tossed it to the side and said give it some time. I began asking questions and diving into their life to see who they were. It was only a natural response to the desire to understand them more.
It was never reciprocated.
Not only was it not reciprocated, but it became a pattern of individuals as time went on. Obviously, after a few weeks of this behavior, I was straight forward with this interest. It wasn’t going to work out.
Then it happened again.
Now I see this kind of mindset being perpetuated all over Facebook by corny memes with “deep, inspirational” love quotes. You know exactly what I’m talking about.
I then realized that these instances weren’t isolated. It’s a fabric of the culture we live in.
Harken back to my opening statement, because I need you to hold on to that tightly as we go. I need you to know that I am overtly aware of my tendencies to be one of the most selfish individuals on the face of this planet. I’m not being harsh on myself, I’m just being real. I’m also trying work past that…Moving forward.
The fabric that I’m describing is a mindset that says the perfect, ideal sense of love is one in which all of my deepest needs, desires, and wants are met. It is one that idolizes a perfect “soul-mate” whose only life goal is to make “me” happy and content.
This popular idea of love holds no ground for self-sacrifice or self-admittance of responsibility. It is inherently selfish, and I believe it’s inherently destructive.
Love is a two-way street. It isn’t one person giving 100% while the other gives 50% whenever they feel like it.
It’s two messed up, imperfect individuals giving 100% all of the time no matter the circumstances. Love is a sacrifice. Love is giving of yourself for the betterment of someone else even if said actions are never reciprocated.
What I see running around today are individuals, and I’m prone to this myself, that think someone, one day, will come along and solve all of their problems. They won’t ever have to lift a finger again, nor will they ever have to give of themselves as they expect someone else to give for them.
How can someone expect something out of someone without ever being willing to do it themselves? What kind of utter bullcrap is that? It’s exactly what it sounds like — one-sided, empty, meaningless, no-future-in-sight garbage.
I’ve resolved within myself to try my best to not be like that. I can’t say I’ve reached that penultimate goal of perfection. I wish I could, but I can’t. I don’t think I ever will, nor do I expect anyone else to reach that level. What I am saying, though, is that we need to acknowledge this fact and work together to change.
I, for one, am not going to settle into a relationship that can’t even get past the first stage of finding out who I am. If you can’t even ask me what my mom’s name is, nor do you care, sorry, sweetheart. I’m not buying in. Plain and simple. End of story. Period.
And don’t expect me to feel tenderhearted about it either. I’m not compromising. I’m not desperate, nor do I think you should be. If you’re reading this and you feel like someone’s not giving you their 100%, I encourage you to evaluate the situation.
What I mean by that is evaluating whether or not you’re giving the 100% first. You are only responsible for your actions and reactions. If you’re not giving 100% and doing all that you can do to love the other individual, well, the problem is you.
If you are, however, giving everything you’ve got and still feel like you’re being slighted, find out what you can do to help the other person see where they’re hurting you. If they listen and change, you’ll know that you’ve found a keeper. If they don’t and continue to act like an imbecile, dump them on the spot. Don’t feel bad for holding a higher standard for yourself.
Love is a two-way street comprised of two self-aware, imperfect individuals loving each other with the betterment of the other person first in their mind. Love is free flowing and should not have to be forced. You know if you’re in a good relationship or not. Whether you want to admit it is a different story.
Don’t settle for mediocrity; whether it be in yourself or the person you’re dating.
I’m not going to.
What do you think? Have you come across the same instances? What has your experience with love taught you? Leave me a comment down below!
You are loved.
You are valued.