I’m writing this to you as I did when I first started Confessions almost three years ago: lights off, soft music in the background, a reflective heart.
It’s amazing how much has changed in those short years.
What a journey this has been.
Like all good things, they must come to an end.
I wanted to inform you all, whoever is left, that this will be the last post that I write for Confessions.
It’s been an utterly heartbreaking few weeks since the passing of my grandfather. I’ve never experienced grief such as this. Through the immense pain, my eyes have been opened to a few things…
The depth of some of my relationships with people I deemed close…
The true nature of life as a passing blimp on the grand scheme of eternity…
How exhausted I am of the dog-eat-dog world that is the blogging community.
Grief and pain have an ironically funny way of driving you to the end of yourself and the proceeding to push you off of the cliff. I feel as though I’ve hit the bottom…
I hate that I’ve come to this point. Writing has been a constant for me over the last few years. I’ve always had it to go to and I’ve always had you all to read and grow in friendship. I’m so shocked (in a good way) by the amazing people I’ve met and grown close to just because of a tiny little corner of the internet.
That’s what it’s all about.
I can’t continue this anymore. The next few months of my life will be insanely busy so time will be short. The other reason I’m vacating this is because I’m tired of the social media culture…It’s so shallow and self-centered. I can’t handle the subtle pressure behind every word I type…
“Is this a good title? Will this make anyone upset? Is this positive enough? Is this even worth it anymore? Who even cares?”
I’ve had it.
I’m fed up.
Though, I’m not angry. I’m just exhausted. I’m tired of loss. I’m tired of heartbreak. I’m tired of seeing the things I hold dear slip through my hands.
I feel like I’m losing everything and everyone I love.
That’s not to say that I’m hopeless. That’s just me being honest with my circumstances. I still believe that God is good and that He is loving. I still believe that my pain has a purpose. I still know that this will be used to help people.
I’m not done helping people.
Many of you will not remember this blog. My name is meaningless. What I’ve said is easily forgotten. That is ok.
However…As final words go…I want you to know that you are not alone. You have incredible value to the world around you. Your pain can be used to lift someone else out of the dark. You can bring hope to another soul.
There is a God who loves you and wants you to know that. He wants your life. He wants your heart. He can be trusted. Just trust Him and let Him change you. He can heal you.
It’s been a wild ride. I’ve loved every second of it. I hope that you all continue on this road, whether writing or not, and find what you’re looking for. I’ll miss this more than I can even dream, and who knows, maybe I’ll see you around again one day.
As of 11:31pm on August 28, 2017, Confessions has come to an end. Amidst tears and a broken heart, I say goodbye.
You are loved.
You are valued.