Sorrow has overflowed my soul…Bare with me as I journal my grief…I’m trying to find healing…I’m trying to find hope…
Welcome to my mind.
Find my first entry here: #101: July 29th, 2017
July 29th, 2017
“He’s gone.”
The words my father had just spoken rung hollow in my ears. I couldn’t quite reconcile the gravity of the situation, but I knew what I was hearing.
They were the same words that I repeated to my sister sitting in the passenger seat as we passed through Statesville. It had only been three hours since I had last seen my grandfather, and now I would never see him breathing again.
I saw a single tear streak down my sister’s face, but she didn’t say a word. What could be said? We drove the rest of the hour in silence.
July 2nd, 2016
“Can I get y’all to sit right here? Smile big for me!”
Snap.
“Great! Now, wrap your arms around each other and smile one more time.”
Snap.
It was a blistering summer day in Pigeon Forge, Tennesee. I had spent the first part of the Independence weekend outside of Knoxville on a business trip but met my grandparents at one of their favorite places: Dollywood.
The plan was to spend the day at the park and head back to Hayesville the next morning. My grandparents lived on a mountain and at their age, it was getting hard to meander their way down the hill to do basic yard work.
Needless to say, I came to the rescue. That’s what a good grandson does, right? Plus, it wasn’t like I was getting the bad end of the proverbial stick. Who doesn’t like spending July 4th weekend doing one of the most patriotic things someone can do?
(Rollercoasters are life.)
We had just walked into the park when I thought it would be a good idea to get a family photo in front of the beautifully ornate Dollywood sign. I had grown accustomed to collecting the pictures that cameras onboard the coasters would take, and figured something different might spice things up. I also didn’t plan on getting my grandparents on to any kind of moving object that day, unless it was the car.
We made our way through the park, and of course, my eyes were shining with a newfound wonder of a theme park I had never seen before. They, unlike me, had seen it all before and were only interested in finding out what Southern Gospel band may be playing that day.
For being a holiday weekend, lines weren’t awful for a theme park. I know that Ma and Pa certainly appreciated it because they were only there for me to explore. They couldn’t go far, but knowing them and their depth of love, they didn’t care an inch waiting for me to get off of the coasters.
At one point, they told me they couldn’t walk anymore and for me to finish the park without them. Pushing my grandparents was something I was smart enough not to do so I diligently made my way through the rest of the park before finally coming back to them a few hours later.
At that point, I had managed to acquire a serious case of motion sickness and was ready to leave. As I was accustomed to doing, I made sure to stop by the souvenir shop and have the picture of my grandparents and I made. I never knew that 4 years prior, when I had begun collecting these photos, that this tradition would later mean more than my life itself.
“He’s gone.”
Those two words rang through my head constantly as I laid on my couch. I had just gotten off of the phone with my mother…It still wasn’t real. Not but a year ago, we had been meandering through Dollywood and now he’s gone…Forever.
Never to speak another word.
Never to hug me again.
Never to poke me in the side to scare me.
Never to give another word of advice.
Never to say “Come back now, ya hear?”
I laid on my couch not but two feet underneath the framed photo I had purchased from that day in the theme park. My best friend had died and I had no way to say anything more to him.
I wept.
Confessions 