Confessions

That question stuck with me as I listened to a brief podcast on dealing with anger. R.C. Sproul was fleshing out the idea that our anger can often be addressed by finding what’s hurting. It got me thinking about the times I’ve been angry. This brain trail led me to a place of realization: I truly do process my pain through the lens of anger. This is how I cope. This is how I defend myself. This is how I try to regain some semblance of control in the situation. I don’t run to tears. I don’t run to substances. I lash out. Why? Because I’m hurt.

Sproul’s question was provocative for me. “Where does it hurt?” It’s a question that, as a father of two little boys, I find myself asking often. It’s aimed at getting past the surface manifestations of the pain (the tears, the whining) and allows for deeper introspection. I can’t help my son’s “boo-boo” feel better if I don’t know what’s causing him the pain. “This very question, ‘Where does it hurt?’ attacks the source. It helps expose the root of the issue. Once exposed, we can give the right treatment so that healing can take place.

Often, when we’re the ones hurting, it’s difficult to push past the pain to ask these soul-probing questions. The raw intensity of our pain can drown out any attempts at well-intentioned self-care. If we’re really honest, sometimes we don’t even want to push past the pain. It’s easy to become engrossed in our suffering, especially for those of us who deal with chronic depression. Our daily suffering is the norm. We don’t know anything else outside of the world of our pain. To move outside of this degraded house is to accept the possibility of more hurt. Lest we even mention the unfamiliarity of what it would look like to be a truly healed person. Terrifying!

Asking this question also mandates that we face the true source of our hurt. It forces us to come face to face with the specter that has haunted the still hallways of our souls for so long. Honestly, that’s not something I wake up in the morning and choose to do. It’s much easier to push it down, forget about what happened, and refuse to address it. Especially when the specter we’re avoiding is someone we can’t forgive. Even harder when that unforgivable ghost is ourselves.

Is healing not worth it? Push past the defense mechanisms that might be in play right now and humor me. Is your life not worth finding healing? Hope? Help?

I understand you could be in a place where you’d say no to that question. I have empathy for you and understand what that’s like. However, and if I could be so bold as to gently say, you’re wrong.

It does not matter what you’ve been told all of your life. It doesn’t matter who has said it or reinforced that idea by the very nature of their actions. Reality is you’ve been lied to and are lying to yourself. You have been given one opportunity in life on this planet by a God who saw fit to populate this world with your soul. If he thinks this world needs your presence, who cares what anyone else thinks?

I hear the objections. “But, they said they loved me.” “I never asked for any of this.” “What kind of God would….”

I hear you. You’re allowed to feel those things and ask those questions. However, our feelings and our questions don’t have the authority to change what is true. You are loved, lovable, and valuable. Your life is worth fighting for. A better today is worth chasing after. Forgiveness is a worthy endeavor. Facing what’s hurting you is going to be worth the pain it brings because of the hope that it can restore.

This goes for all of us. You don’t need to be depressed for this to apply. You just have to be human. Where is your hurt coming from? How are you responding to it? Do you fight, fly, or freeze? Do you ignore and suppress or give full vent to what’s going on inside of you? What lies are you believing as a result of your pain?

There is a heavenly healer who is waiting eagerly to find the source of your pain. Regardless of what you’ve come to believe, Jesus wants your pain. He wants your sorrow. He wants your doubts. He wants your anger. All He’s asking you is ‘where does it hurt?’

Let Him know.

You are loved.

You are valued.