Confessions

I’m honestly a little frustrated and tired tonight. Here’s why…

The older I get, the more of an isolationist I become. I used to be a “social bug”. Back in the good ole days I’d find any and every excuse to get a big group of my friends together and go somewhere. Wal-Mart was a hotspot. The docks were a favorite pastime. Going to get food was the epitome of a “college party” (without all of the drugs, sex, etc..). Nowadays, doing any of those things with large amounts of people is a chore.

I hate it.

I don’t like very large groups anymore. They overwhelm me. The constant chatter, clanging, and laughter drives me up a wall. It feels like the walls could close in on me at any moment. Small(er) groups of people don’t help either. I can handle that for a little while but even then, I lose my ability to breathe.

The school I go to has a constant buzz of activity about it. People are everywhere all of the time. I love talking to my friends and being with them but sometimes I just need to be alone. How can I be alone if there’s nowhere to go to be alone?

Sure, I can go off campus but I can’t relax.

I honestly don’t know why. I hate it. It makes it difficult for my girlfriend and I. She’s a people-person with people-person friends. I feel like the grumpy troll under the bridge who never wants to do anything but sit around. What’s wrong with me? When did I become different?

Is it because I don’t trust? Is it because I’m selfish with my time? Is there something wrong or am I just becoming more introverted? Ugh.

I’m trying to compromise and deal with it. I guess I just want privacy. I want a place where I can go relax and not have the weight of the world being blasted on my shoulders. I’m ready for this phase of life to be over. Yeah, I know. “You’re gonna miss this when it’s gone.” Yeah, I will. It’s just time for me to grow up and move on.

Do y’all deal with this? How long can you handle large groups of people? Are you introverted or extroverted?

Have a great night!

Cheers